on friday we skinny dip in the hot tub. we’re white suburban teenagers who sneak off to smoke joints
and to orgasm from the jets in a cesspool of piss, cheap beer, and tears.
we try to destroy ourselves without harming ourselves. he peels off my shirt
and it sinks to the bottom. he unclasps my bra
and it floats to the top. we’re too weak to stick our heads in ovens so we empty our lungs
under ninety-six degree water.
the controls don’t let us change the water temperature, only to change
the jet speed. to determine how hard we get beat.
we try to harm ourselves without destroying ourselves.
he tosses me into the pool. he’s too reckless
to care if my head hits the bottom of the shallow pool, which it does
he jumps in immediately after i surface. he’s too inconsiderate
to care if he soaks me, which he does. before i can wipe the water from my eyes
he grabs my ankles and drags me across the pool. i’m laughing at first
because it’s friday and i’m uninhibited, uncensored, and unchaperoned.
my next laugh comes out as bubbles because i can no longer stay afloat.
nobody notices i’m drowning, slowly sinking like my forgotten t-shirt on the bottom of the hot tub floor.
